PURE FUCKING EVIL

So I heard McCain talking about what would happen if he was President.

People out of Iraq, US borders secured... a chicken in every pot, an ass in every seat and enough bullshit to sate the gullible for the next four years of his reign.

I'm tired of this shit. Politicians promise things-- things that you simply cannot promise. You are not God. While you can promise things like "We will bring the troops home", as that is a possibility (albeit bloody, but who gives a shit about people who don't like you), you cannot promise that US borders will be secured. China couldn't do it, you can't do it.

Not even if you had satellite surveillance and fucking snipers. There will still be the occasional person who gets through. This is like saying "We will stop the Underground Railroad!" No, you won't. You can try but you will fail.

By the way, the whole War on Drugs? Yeah.

Uh.

You're not doing too well there, either, and now you want to do shit like keep people out of your country? Fuck, man, you can't even control what comes and goes into the country, how the hell do you expect to control the people?

As much as I hate illegal immigrants, really, this is a non-issue for me. I'm fine with illegal immigrants until they start stealing government money or social security numbers. A lot of scared people just hate anyone who doesn't speak English, but seriously-- prioritize!


I swear, man. If McCain gets in, I think I might finally just slit my throat. I can't take anymore of this shit. I would need an alien invasion or a suicide attempt to get through eight years of President Bumblefuck: Part 2.

God dammit...

California. Gay marriage.

Got legalized.

Let's talk about this shit.


Conservatives say:

"[The decision to legalize gay marriage in California] goes against the will of the people."

Problem: how are you deciding what the will of the people is? In a situation where, let's say we have to decide whether or not to make ice cream illegal, you could argue it goes against the will of the people as it would prohibit them from doing something. In a situation where a prohibition is lifted, however, how can something go against the will of the people in any meaningful way?

I know it's the same old broken record argument, but the argument does ring true: just exactly what is the problem with letting gay people get married? People have said time and time again that it infringes upon straight marriage.

Why?

No, seriously: why? Are you worried about having to deal with Chuck's and Larry's all damn day long? And? Surprisingly, I've heard of people getting married for the benefits, and only that. It's rare, but it does happen.

What are you going to do about them?

Furthermore, I once again ask the question: why does there need to be a division between the two marriages?

Because marriage is holy? Based upon the Bible? I hate to break it to you Sparky but the fact of the matter is, if you're going to believe shit about marriage in the Bible, not only do I have a few bridges to sell you but I need to point out that a lot of people back then not only had multiple wives, but there was this guy-- he slept with his daughters.

Yeah.

And it was sanctioned by God.

Yeah.

Right after God killed, apparently, a bunch of "sodomites".

If God's like that, I for one am more than willing to fight him.

What about you? You just gonna sit there and mouth God's cock even though nothing he says makes sense?

Here's CNN.com's front page:


California same-sex marriage ban struck down: Top story.

That's cool.

Below that: How to find a new job after taking an extended break from the workplace.

That's cool.

Below that: Predicting the elections.

That's cool, too.

Below that: American Idol.

Uh?

Marginalized stories: Bush slams Dems for terrorist 'appeasement', Joe Biden calls Bush's comments "bullshit", How healthy is John McCain?, and Secret UFO files released to public.

Below all of this: Election and crime news.

Not to mention World news.

Which only gets -two articles- visible on the front page.

Both of which are talking about the tragedy in Rwanda and Myanmar.

Fuck you, CNN.

Fuck you.

Say what you want, but Joe Biden has always had a pair on him.

As you may know, Bush said this about the Democrats:

"Some seem to believe we should negotiate with terrorists and radicals, as if some ingenious argument will persuade them they have been wrong all along," Bush said at Israel's 60th anniversary celebration in Jerusalem.

"We have heard this foolish delusion before," Bush said in remarks to Israel's parliament, the Knesset.

"As Nazi tanks crossed into Poland in 1939, an American senator declared: 'Lord, if only I could have talked to Hitler, all of this might have been avoided.' We have an obligation to call this what it is -- the false comfort of appeasement, which has been repeatedly discredited by history."

Right.

Besides the fact that Bush himself just pulled a Godwin-- which is... special, considering that's not even a valid argument no matter how drunk or stupid you are-- the backlash from his statement is loud and clear: Fuck you, cowboy.

What'd Obama have to say?

To shorten it (if you want the full text, go to http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/05/15/bush.dems/index.html), "It's sad that Bush would use the 60th anniversary of Israel's independence to launch a false political attack. George Bush knows that I have never supported engagement with terrorists, and his politics-- not to mention politics of fear-- aren't doing anything to make the American people or Israel any safer."

ICE BURN, you say? It gets better.

Joe Biden-- who, like all politicians, can be extraordinarily full of shit when he's running for President-- said this (all of which are direct quotes)

"This is bullshit."

"This is outrageous. Outrageous for the president of the United States to go to a foreign country and make this kind of ridiculous statement."

"He's the guy who's weakened us. He's the guy that's increased the number of terrorists in the world."

"His policies have produced this vulnerability the United States has. His intelligence pointed that out, not me. The NIE pointed that out."

So, basically: "What the fuck? Bullshit! You asshole! You're the motherfucker who got us into this shit!"

Like I said: say what you want, but Joe has a pair on him.

Welcome to the news media's latest attempt to emulate Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

In an effort to remain hip and cool with the nation's youngin's, Fox tried this shit first.

I forget what it was called. You know why? Because it sucked.

It lasted two weeks and every show was groanworthy.

The latest brainfart from these idiots is named "Not Just Another Cable News Show", and it appears on Headline News on the weekends far many more times than anybody would ever care to watch. The synopsis, from the lips of one of CNN's finest piles of hair:

"In this show, the CNN staff looks through the video archives of CNN!"

Oh goody!

The way she talked about it, I deeply suspect they're going to be playing Katrina and tsunami footage at 2.0 speed with Yakkety Sax blaring in the background.

Come on, people: not doing your job as a reporter is fun! Just like making light of people's pain is fucking hilarious!

By the way, CNN anchors: you do not need to add emphasis to your voice when you tell me that there are 200,000 people dead in China due to an earthquake. The number itself will draw my attention.


As I've never seen this show (and never intend to), I'm going to use the Google on the Internets to tell me all about it, and gauge people's reactions.

http://ccinsider.comedycentral.com/cc_insider/2008/03/cnn-pisses-away.html

I'll be damned. ComedyCentral is doing a fine job of making fun of people who deserve it.

As Dustin Chinn too remembered:

"Oh, CNN. Have you learned nothing from FOX News'? Why do I have a feeling this'll be just like the "1/2 Hour News Hour," only with less political invective and an even feebler grasp on context?"

Well put. And that's the name of their ill-fated comedy news show.

Hey, guess what, gang?

Yeah, that's right: CNN has put an online preview of the show up!

Let's watch!

(It apparently requires JavaScript, cookies enabled, and your pants down in order to watch it, so, you know, make with the script enabling.)

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2008/03/28/not.just.another.cable.cnn

It features: Bush not being able to open a door, Clinton hugging Monica, Tipper Gore and Al going all prom night on us ON NATIONAL FUCKING TELEVISION, and...

... get ready for this: A CLIP FROM THE COLBERT REPORT.

I am not even kidding.

Other choice moments: "I am not gay, I have never been gay" from Larry Craig, "Major league asshole", "let's give a welcome to Makaka here", PRAT FALLS, and... John Ashcroft singing.

Also Howard Dean going YAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

It's filled to the fucking brim with gimmicky music. I shit you not. I'd have watched more but, as it turns out, the server that was streaming it timed out and wanted to show me something from Palestine, so fuck that.


So, basically, the entire show is gonna be a gag show.

Also, yes, it's in a directory called "bestoftv".

This is the best they can do.

Oh CNN, aren't you happy having the most expensive ad space outside of annual events? Do you really need to try to usurp Jon Stewart?


Makes me wonder though: Fox did it first, and it failed.

Then CNN did it.

Two months later.

So, the question is: how stupid is CNN? As the saying goes, who's more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him?