PURE FUCKING EVIL
Protecting Your Children From The Forces of Us Since 2005
Things I Find
Posted on Sunday, May 11th, 2008 at 6:15:00a
Apparently, the Furries have their own sex toy store online.
I found it.
Guess what they're selling? Among animal-cock-shaped dildoes, they also have things such as Bovi-Vet.
What's Bovi-Vet? A water-based lubricant used by Vetenarians for vaginal and anal examinations of animals.
"It is not made as a lubricant for humans and we add it here because of the many requests we get for it."
Why the hell?
I was looking at some of the dildoes, and, man, I swear. I thought I was freaky? Not particularly-- they have a dildo called Nexus.
It's shaped like a hook with curves.
Just looking at it makes my ass hurt.
Another thing I found: Sleepymaid!
What's sleepymaid? Oh, it's somebody who specializes in drawing "sexy hypnotized girls".
Uh huh.
I don't get it.
Another thing I found: Spyro the Dragon porn.
But not just porn, oh no no no.
Gore.
And people requesting "Spyro snuff".
What the HELL, people?
By the way, just in case you think that you can outweird me, probably not.
I have not seen it all but I've come damn close.
For example: just last night, I saw Velma from Scooby Doo porn.
Yeah, that's nothing new. You know what is new?
Velma as a dog girl.
Now that's new.
Also, the professionally-drawn Billy and Mandy porn from Wagner is a little... unsettling to say the least.
You know, I too would enjoy getting paid to do stupid shit, but really, is that something you want on your resume?
Then again, I don't suppose I've met many people who drew Scooby Doo porn who didn't eventually die or wind up in prison.
By the way, if you're reading this and you actually do that, could you do me a favor and leave Scooby Doo the dog out of it? Could you do that much for me? Or at least make him into a furry anthropomorphic character?
Back to the brain-melting goodness.
I swear, there is just a lot of shit I want to know that I cannot search for on the Internet.
For example: the furry sex toy store is selling hundred-packs of strawberry-flavored condoms.
Uh...
... is there something I don't know about?
Are people baiting their pets to lick their dicks by using strawberry-flavored condoms?
To figure this out, I Yahoo! searched for "strawberry flavored condoms".
Nothing about bestiality.
Alright, let's take it up a notch:
"Strawberry flavored condoms furries".
Still nothing.
Alright, fine: I'll just get on with it.
"Strawberry flavored condoms furries bestiality"
The results?
Nothing! But, I did learn that, apparently, a tiger has fucked a Thai girl, and that's just nasty.
"These not only extra-thin but extra-smooth condoms will show you the meaning of good oral fun.
Feel the tongue glide about, let your partner not taste cheap latex but strawberry and feel how he will pay you that much more attention.
Don't hesitate, the extra-smooth material withstands the same tests as all the other ones, it just gives you that much better an experience.
Foxy say just: mjamm mjamm"
OKAY WHAT THE FUCK
"Size can be a real problem for some. Nothing fits.....until now.
Some studs are bigger then othes...king size."
215 mm long. That's how big they are.
I'll bite. How the fuck long is that in English?
304.8mm is a foot.
It's a condom for people that have 8.46 inch long dicks.
Okay, what the fuck? Aren't Magnums bigger?
They have other condoms, too. "for really loaded foxes."
Seven inch condoms.
...
That's really loaded?
This site also sells home-made bondage binding materials.
You know, maybe I'm weird, but the most I ever wanted to be was held down. That's it for me. Spreader bars and ankle cuffs and nipple clamps? What the hell?
KNEE PROTECTORS?!
Having sex should never resemble getting geared up for an extreme sport.
They also sell quick-release hooks, which bothers me, since the last time I heard about these they were being used to propel a mannequin in a Mythbusters special.
That's about it.
I found it.
Guess what they're selling? Among animal-cock-shaped dildoes, they also have things such as Bovi-Vet.
What's Bovi-Vet? A water-based lubricant used by Vetenarians for vaginal and anal examinations of animals.
"It is not made as a lubricant for humans and we add it here because of the many requests we get for it."
Why the hell?
I was looking at some of the dildoes, and, man, I swear. I thought I was freaky? Not particularly-- they have a dildo called Nexus.
It's shaped like a hook with curves.
Just looking at it makes my ass hurt.
Another thing I found: Sleepymaid!
What's sleepymaid? Oh, it's somebody who specializes in drawing "sexy hypnotized girls".
Uh huh.
I don't get it.
Another thing I found: Spyro the Dragon porn.
But not just porn, oh no no no.
Gore.
And people requesting "Spyro snuff".
What the HELL, people?
By the way, just in case you think that you can outweird me, probably not.
I have not seen it all but I've come damn close.
For example: just last night, I saw Velma from Scooby Doo porn.
Yeah, that's nothing new. You know what is new?
Velma as a dog girl.
Now that's new.
Also, the professionally-drawn Billy and Mandy porn from Wagner is a little... unsettling to say the least.
You know, I too would enjoy getting paid to do stupid shit, but really, is that something you want on your resume?
Then again, I don't suppose I've met many people who drew Scooby Doo porn who didn't eventually die or wind up in prison.
By the way, if you're reading this and you actually do that, could you do me a favor and leave Scooby Doo the dog out of it? Could you do that much for me? Or at least make him into a furry anthropomorphic character?
Back to the brain-melting goodness.
I swear, there is just a lot of shit I want to know that I cannot search for on the Internet.
For example: the furry sex toy store is selling hundred-packs of strawberry-flavored condoms.
Uh...
... is there something I don't know about?
Are people baiting their pets to lick their dicks by using strawberry-flavored condoms?
To figure this out, I Yahoo! searched for "strawberry flavored condoms".
Nothing about bestiality.
Alright, let's take it up a notch:
"Strawberry flavored condoms furries".
Still nothing.
Alright, fine: I'll just get on with it.
"Strawberry flavored condoms furries bestiality"
The results?
Nothing! But, I did learn that, apparently, a tiger has fucked a Thai girl, and that's just nasty.
"These not only extra-thin but extra-smooth condoms will show you the meaning of good oral fun.
Feel the tongue glide about, let your partner not taste cheap latex but strawberry and feel how he will pay you that much more attention.
Don't hesitate, the extra-smooth material withstands the same tests as all the other ones, it just gives you that much better an experience.
Foxy say just: mjamm mjamm"
OKAY WHAT THE FUCK
"Size can be a real problem for some. Nothing fits.....until now.
Some studs are bigger then othes...king size."
215 mm long. That's how big they are.
I'll bite. How the fuck long is that in English?
304.8mm is a foot.
It's a condom for people that have 8.46 inch long dicks.
Okay, what the fuck? Aren't Magnums bigger?
They have other condoms, too. "for really loaded foxes."
Seven inch condoms.
...
That's really loaded?
This site also sells home-made bondage binding materials.
You know, maybe I'm weird, but the most I ever wanted to be was held down. That's it for me. Spreader bars and ankle cuffs and nipple clamps? What the hell?
KNEE PROTECTORS?!
Having sex should never resemble getting geared up for an extreme sport.
They also sell quick-release hooks, which bothers me, since the last time I heard about these they were being used to propel a mannequin in a Mythbusters special.
That's about it.